Mick Jagger World Cup angel of death

Elderly rock ‘n’ roll performer Mick Jagger has supported three different countries during his stay in South Africa and all three have crashed out of the World Cup when in his presence. Clearly he is the 2010 World Cup’s Angel of Death. Let’s look at the evidence.

[Photos: Mick Jagger at the World Cup]

June 26, 2010 — Mick attends the U.S.’s 2-1 round of 16 loss to Ghana in Rustenburg, laughing, cheering, and posing open-mouthed for pictures before the hammer came down on his American friends in extra time. And so it began.

June 27, 2010 — A day after watching the U.S. have their dreams snuffed, Mick attends his home country’s round of 16 match against Germany in Bloemfontein. Eyes shielded from the harsh effects of daylight, England scarf drooping from his frail neck, and magical soul-sucking device (or maybe it’s just a Flip video camera) in hand, Mick stood above the players and observed their futile efforts. The result: 4-1 Germany, and a referee-ignored England goal for good measure.

June 28, 2010 — Jagger’s Brazilian model ex-girlfriend Luciana Gimenez warned the press that he would be attending Brazil’s round of 16 game against Chile in Johannesburg before the match. Wise to the developing trend, ESPN Brazil’s website warned readers that “The Rolling Stones’ lead singer has a reputation for bringing bad luck.” The South African times reported that Brazilian fans were terrified. Yet, their team proved too strong for his immortal charms and trounced Chile 3-0. His attempt to condemn three teams to elimination in three days thwarted.

July 2, 2010 — Mick sat, ankles exposed and staring into nothingness as the impossibly young son he has with Gimenez gazed down at the pitch in confusion while Brazil squandered a first half lead to lose 2-1 to the Netherlands in Port Elizabeth. Brazil’s first World Cup loss outside of Europe since 1950 and their first World Cup loss after scoring the opening goal. Shattered Brazil fans immediately took to Twitter, blaming the luxury box-dwelling singer (who at no point stepped foot on the pitch) in such numbers that they quickly made “Mick Jagger FDP” the top trending phrase worldwide.

But Mick, in his advancing years and waning virility, didn’t pull the final leg of his trifecta alone. He had a pink Bentley full of help.

(Note for those who don’t get it: This post was at not all serious in saying that Mick Jagger has an influence in the outcomes of these matches. That’s silly. Those Brazilian fans on Twitter just might be serious, though.)